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Navy Strikes North Pole, Obama Declares War Christmas Claus Fate Unknown
By Marc Belisle
In a tense press conference with the conservative media, President Obama announced late Tuesday that US Navy destroyers deployed in the Arctic Circle were firing Tomahawk cruise missiles in a campaign to free the elves and eliminate Santa Claus’s ability to threaten secular humanists. Obama added that US forces would “cripple Santa Claus’ ability to spread good tidings” through “targeted strikes.” When asked what, exactly, the Pentagon was targeting, Obama replied, “Well, you know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.” MORE HERE
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